HOW TO INFLUENCE OTHER PEOPLE'S PERCEPTION THROUGH COMMUNICATION WITH YOUR EYES

HOW TO INFLUENCE OTHER PEOPLE'S PERCEPTION THROUGH COMMUNICATION WITH YOUR EYES

Source

Source

Eye contact anxiety can interfere with everyday social interactions. By the same token, the ability to maintain good eye contact is an important aspect of social interaction. People who look others in the eye are perceived as friendly and welcoming. However, many shy and socially anxious people have difficulty with this part of communication.

Why People Avoid Eye Contact

People have eye contact anxiety for many reasons. For those without a diagnosed mental health condition, avoidance of eye contact could be related to shyness or a lack of confidence. Looking someone in the eye while speaking can feel uncomfortable for those without a lot of practice making conversation or who tend to prefer not being in the spotlight.

The Power of Eye Contact

Making eye contact during conversation is an important social skill. It can affect how you are perceived by others both in personal and professional relationships. In fact, researchers have uncovered numerous benefits of maintaining eye contact during a conversation, including:

• People will be more likely to remember your face.
• People will be more likely to remember what you said long after the conversation has ended.
• People are more likely to believe and trust what you're saying.
• People will perceive you as more confident and intelligent.
• People will be better able to read and mirror other non-verbal cues.

Overcoming Eye Contact Anxiety

We all have varying levels of comfort when it comes to maintaining eye contact. While some people may be predisposed to fearing or avoiding eye contact, most can learn to improve their skills and become better at making good eye contact, starting with:

• Reducing anxiety about eye contact
  
  
• Improving skills for making eye contact

Reducing Anxiety About Eye Contact

People with a diagnosed anxiety disorder may benefit from treatment including cognitive behavioral therapy (CNT) or medication. Seek expert help.

Most people with social anxiety disorder can learn to overcome their fear response and maintain better eye contact. In this way, eye contact is just one aspect of social interaction that you can become desensitized to through practice and exposure.

If you've not been diagnosed with an anxiety disorder but still find that eye contact makes you anxious, you can build your tolerance by engaging in increasing amounts of eye contact over time. Gradually, it should feel less uncomfortable as you do it more often.

Start small with people who make you feel less anxious, such as a good friend, and work your way up to more anxiety-provoking situations such as holding eye contact with your work supervisor.

Improving Eye Contact Skills

If you are talking to someone one-on-one (or looking at people within a group), choose a spot directly between or slightly above the listener’s eyes. If this doesn’t feel comfortable, try letting your eyes go slightly out of focus, which has the added benefit of softening and relaxing your gaze.

You can and should also look away occasionally. Staring too intensely can make people uncomfortable.

Employing these two strategies to improve your eye contact will make your listeners feel more connected to you and increase the likelihood that you will feel more comfortable when speaking—either to a group or to an individual.

Tips for Making Eye Contact

It takes skill and finesse to communicate with you eyes properly. It comes down to a balance of eye contact and breaking gaze. It’s uncomfortable talking to one who locks and loads. There’s a delicate balance that needs to take place. Eye contact is critical component of the communication process: maintaining eye contact as well as properly breaking gaze balance. Here’s how to do it:

• Establish eye contact at the start. Make eye contact before you start talking to someone.
• Use the 50/70 rule. Maintain eye contact 50% of the time when speaking and 70% when listening.
• Look for about 5 seconds. Hold eye contact for about five seconds at a time, or about as much time as it takes you to register the color of their eyes. When you break eye contact, glance to the side before resuming your gaze. Whatever you do, do not break your eye contact to look at your mobile phone.
• Look away slowly. When you look away, do it slowly. Looking away too quickly (darting your eyes) can make you appear nervous or shy.
• Use the triangle technique. Rather than looking away or looking down (as this shows a lack of confidence), you can also look at another spot on their face. Imagine an inverted triangle connecting their eyes and mouth. Every five seconds, rotate which point of the triangle you are looking at.
• Make a gesture. Break your gaze to make a gesture or to nod, as this appears more natural than looking away because you've grown uncomfortable with the amount of eye contact.
• Look near the eyes. If looking someone directly in the eyes is too stressful, instead look at a specific area on their nose, mouth, or chin, provided they do not have a pimple there, as that would make the other person more conscious and uncomfortable.
• Eye contact in a group. If you are speaking to multiple people, group, or audience, shift for every 2 -3 seconds. You must constantly be moving and adjusting so no one in the group feels left out of your gaze. So, instead of thinking of the group as a whole, imagine having individual conversations with one person in the group at a time. As you speak, choose one person in the group and pretend that you are talking just with that person. Look at that person as you finish your thought or sentence. As you begin a new sentence or idea, choose another person in the group and look them in the eye as you finish your thought. Make sure that you eventually include everyone in the group.
•  Be aware of your facial expressions. Pay attention to what your eyes and eye brows are saying. Facial expressions are a big deal with how other people perceive you, as this will likely affect their attitude and behavior towards you.

A Cautionary Word

If you find that the severity of your social anxiety is to the point that looking someone in the eye is overly distressing, seek help from a mental health professional or your family doctor. If you have not already been diagnosed with SAD, your symptoms will be assessed and you and your healthcare provider can develop a treatment plan especially for you.

#eyes #eyecontact #communication #confidence #trust #attention #speaking #listening #facialexpressions #anxiety #interaction #comfort #publicspeaking #beingheard #hearing #face #well-being #wellness #lifestyle #health #social #peopleskills #people #socialanxietysyndrome #power #friends #perception